Finding Perspective (No Funeral Required)

Open-mindedness is one of my values.

For me, that means embracing that any given situation can be seen from a variety of perspectives – not just the one viewpoint that you happen to be taking at that moment.

Like, perhaps your boss isn’t really a bad person. Maybe he’s just unhappy and stressed. And, with that view, you can be more empathetic.

Perhaps that project approval isn’t going to make or break your career. And, with that view, you can stop worrying about it so much and putting all that pressure on yourself.

Or your employee or kid isn’t trying to be difficult when they are upset. Maybe they are really struggling. And you then can be more patient and help them get to a better place.

I used to be very set in my ways of thinking – things were black or white, right or wrong . . . and if I’m honest, the way I saw things was usually “I was right”.

Not surprisingly, I often felt tension when I came up against others who had views different than mine or weren’t behaving the way I expected them to.

Or I would get caught up in my work or a project and lose my perspective on what was most important to me, like my family.

I didn’t understand that there isn’t really a right or wrong, or things had to be a certain way.

There are always different ways to view any situation or person. And some perspectives are certainly more positive and optimal than others.

Every once in a while, if you are paying attention, you will hear or read something that gives you a light bulb moment. “Wow,” you say to yourself “I never thought of it that way” and it creates a huge shift in your thinking and belief system.

Can you think of a moment where your thinking changed because of something someone said or an event in your life?

For me, there are three pretty big light bulb moments . . .

Happiness is a choice and something you create inside of you.

You might think “when I get that promotion, then I’ll be happy” or “when this project is done, then I’ll be happy” or when “that person changes, then I’ll be happy”. While these definitely can give bursts of happiness, it’s fleeting.

“The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work” by Shawn Achor profoundly shifted my thinking that happiness is a choice and your attitude in any given moment.

This can give you a whole new perspective on seeking out the positive, appreciating the good things in the moment, and enjoying the process to reaching those goals.

There is always a way (even when you think there isn’t).

By changing the lens through which you see your work and rest of your life – for instance, from pessimistic to more optimistic, it changes your experience and results.

Once you live in a world where you understand that you can choose how to view and respond to what’s going on around you, you can have the perspective that a better way is possible. Things are often better than they may seem.

This could be with your family, boss or an employee or any situation. This gives you more choice and control (even if you can’t control what’s happening to you).

You can ask yourself, “What is a better way to look at this situation?”.

Life is right now.

This is a big one for me. I used to take this for granted. Do you ever say to yourself “When I retire, I will do X?” or “When my kids are not young anymore, then life will be less chaotic and I’ll enjoy it more?”

Has a funeral ever given you perspective on what’s most important to you? Maybe it even led you to change your ways for a while . . .

That used to be me. Then I heard someone say one day that “Life is right now, and you only have this one chance so make the most of it.” I had never thought of it in that way.

That sentence fundamentally changed the way I think (and that one sentence actually gave me the courage to leave an unhealthy marriage years ago and make a big career change later on).

When you have an “aha” like that, it shifts your thinking in a way that can give you greater perspective every day.

You can make the decision not to wait for something big and tragic like a funeral to give you that perspective, and instead appreciate and take action on what really matters now.

* * * * * *

The strong belief I hold now is that your thinking influences your behaviors, which influences your results. So, perspective and your mindset matter, big time.

And that’s a huge reason I became a coach – to help others have their own shifts in thinking and light bulb moments to see a better way.

What has been a big shift in your perspective and thinking in your career or personal life? I’d love to hear in the comments.

All the best, Stacey