When Other People Are Being Difficult

You might have the best intentions with your day to get something accomplished, be upbeat and calm, and leave work on time, but other people can derail your efforts, leaving you frustrated, impatient and behind.

When someone is not delivering on their end and you are left to pick up the pieces so you can meet a deadline, adding more to your plate and longer hours.

Or when a manager or employee is hard to work with and aren't meeting your expectations. They don’t ‘get’ what’s really going on and you don’t feel heard.

You seem to have the same conversations over and over (and over) again.

When you are always putting other people’s needs before your own because you don’t know how to say no or ask for what you need (without them getting upset).

You might feel like others are not being accountable and doing what they say they will, and it reduces your confidence in them or even your company.

It can often feel like you have done everything you can in a situation, and if the ‘other person’ would just change (or even go away) it would all be better.

That’s the paradox of your problem. It’s when you fall into the trap believing that, in order for things to get better, the ‘other person’ has to change.

For one thing, when you are frustrated, you more easily fall into the trap of telling, blaming, complaining and arguing which simply doesn’t work when it comes to influencing others and keeps you from the very outcomes that you want.

Sure, sometimes you can leave the person or situation. More often than not, though, you need to work or interact with them.

So, you really want to end your frustration and have more influence, it comes down to changing up your approach.

While you might not be able to control what’s happening to you, you always have a choice over how you view and respond.

When you change your approach, you stop giving away your power to let someone else ruin your day, you show up as a stronger leader by focusing on how to influence the situation instead of complaining about it, and at the very least you feel a lot better.

Here’s what you can do to change up your approach even with a difficult colleague or manager, and even if you feel you've tried everything or think "they always let me down, so I'm sure it will happen again“:

Give people the benefit of the doubt (even when they aren’t making a good impression).

Most people aren't trying to be difficult. They’re likely struggling when they're not putting forward their best. When you give people the benefit of the doubt (even if they're not showing up well) it changes how you show up in that conversation.

You’ll be more patient and kinder. You put your attention on making the situation better. And, you don't carry around all that added stress with you.

“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best.” – Brene Brown

Acknowledge what’s good.

People respond to acknowledgment and trust. It's human nature. So whether it’s the edgy nature of a toxic colleague or even a family member you wish to soften, there’s only one way to do it.

Every day, find at least one thing they do well and tell them. It makes such a huge difference. Trust me on this one.

Besides, the more you focus on how someone drives you nuts, the more someone will drive you nuts. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. So start to look for what’s good and what they are doing well – it’s there and acknowledge them for it.

It changes both of you. (People resist this one. Try it yourself and see the difference.)

Show compassion.

This ties with giving the benefit of the doubt. Be kind to people, even if they are difficult. 

If someone shows kindness, caring, and a willingness to help others, they're showing compassion. This has to do with being thoughtful and decent, and you are absolutely capable of showing this to others.

Give up your need to be right. 

You might feel like your opinion is the right one, but the other person likely feels exactly the same about their opinion. When you give up your need to be right, you'll listen better, be in a more positive mindset and will create less stress for yourself.

Be curious and caring.

When you approach a conversation with the person by asking more questions to find out what’s really going on and be more caring instead of frustrated, you have far more influence and people are far more likely to listen to what you have to say.

There will be disagreements and different opinions. People see situations differently. So take time to be curious and find out what’s really going on.

Listen. For real.

Truly listening to others is a seemingly lost skill for many people today. When you are in a meeting, notice how many people are looking at their phones, looking out the window, or talking to someone else.

This especially happens when you are annoyed or disregard what someone else has to say. You tune out when you are frustrated with someone, so instead, be present and listen. Besides, it is disrespectful when you don't listen.

Give what you want to get.

Finally, give what you want to get. Want respect? Be willing to give it. Want the person to listen? You had better be willing to listen to them. Want someone to value you? Value them back.

We attract what we put out, so start giving what you want to get and you’ll experience it more. If you want it to feel valued, then you have to value the person across the table and be willing to listen to what they have to say. It goes both ways.

* * * * * *

When you change your approach, it changes how you show up in the relationship. You’ll communicate better. You’ll have more influence. At the very least, you’ll feel a whole lot better.

You go into a conversation with patience and a positive frame of mind. And, people are more open to what you have to say and listen. 

Still not convinced about changing your approach?

How do you respond when someone isn’t giving you the benefit of the doubt, acknowledging what’s good, showing you compassion or being curious? You likely don’t respond well. They are the same.

A relationship can change with just one person. Yes, it’s possible!

So, the next time you find a person to be challenging (it will happen) put some of these in practice and see for yourself the difference. 

I'd love to hear from you in the comments below what's on your mind when it comes to dealing with challenging people?

All the best, Stacey

What Next?

We’ve been taught all our lives that more (and more) effort, being busy and sacrifice is what's necessary to be successful. This simply is NOT necessary.

I’ve transformed my thinking and habits over the past few years (even while I was in my demanding corporate career), and I’m still amazed by the difference it’s made, not only in my work but importantly with my husband and kids.

And, I see many others struggling – people who are brilliant, yet feeling overwhelmed, worried or frustrated, so not showing up as their best.

So, I’ve taken what I’ve discovered through my training, the biggest challenges my clients face and my own experience, and created a Be At Your Best Roadmap to guide you in being at your best and thriving no matter what's going on around you.

You can change your entire experience now . . . and not have to wait until you retire, the kids get older or wait for your company to change!

CLICK HERE to download your copy of the Be At Your Best Roadmap.